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Oh, hello

I use words like spare change, collected in my pocket, leftover after days of spending, so I treat them like nothing, cast away on cheap and meaningless drivel like this, when they could be saved up for something more substantial, but that requires a commitment and who has time for such things any more?

But then, in words, I find a comfort and a familiar anxiety, an escape and a return to reality. They come to me unbidden, and I can't help it, I'm taken in every time. An old flame that never dies, a face that never fades from memory. Time heals all wounds, erases all love, and I know this perhaps all too well, but this is one lover I will indulge, let it reel my heart out every single time, watch it drawn down on bloody heartstrings, on and on, into shadow woods and red sun sets.

Here we are, alive, as someone said, in the (super) unknown, but we can't even hide behind that veneer, can we? No, too much exposed, recognized, too much offered out already, it was easier when no one knew us, it was easier when there was no validation. The recognition only makes us keenly aware, like scars that throb with pain, imagined or real, aware of everything we could be, should be doing.

The question is, do we? Or do we descend into a menial, mechanical, mundane mediocrity all too ready to receive us? Not much at stake, just our humanity. So many promises made, so many broken, so much ventured, so little gained. What's one more bet when we have nothing left to gamble but our dignity? The only answer is all too adult - we'll see and we'll see and we'll see.


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September 2011
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