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Lack of Focus

I can't focus on a project to save my life and I don't know why.

It's not that I can't focus, just not on certain things, and this is one of those things. When I sit down and start to write, it works, I can write, I can see problems and fix them, or spew up new words without a problem, but I can't stay focused. From sitting to sitting, I switch stories, switch books. And that's causing me to loose focus and rendering me unable to progress with anything.

A large part of me wants to focus on a book I wrote a long time ago and re-write it in a new, linear fashion. But I have three or four other books competing for room in my head, and yes, these are books, which means a multi-multi-month commitment and I kind of want to make sure that I'm focusing on a worthwhile idea rather than throwing my time behind one that isn't. Of course, writing a book in my position when I have nothing on my CV to make an editor take notice is pretty stupid, but I just can't find interest in short fiction lately - reading or writing it. Like a good depressive, though, I'm completely ignoring the facts to gaze instead into the murky shadows beneath the bed-sheet.

The big problem is that I can't tell if this is actually a writer's block/lack of motivation/creativity thing or just a symptom of my depression. It's gotten to the point where I can't even tell if I'm depressed any more other than by actually examining my symptoms like the inability to focus, the overwhelming need to sleep for hours at a time, the procrastination, the inability to draw pleasure from work, the exhaustion from the smallest physical effort, the anti-social anxiety (which'll be interesting to see how it holds up at GenCon in a few days).

I'm about a hop, skip and jump away from actually starting a dose of anti-depression medication. I just need some kind of a nudge to make it actually happen. But I'm almost there.


( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
Aug. 2nd, 2010 07:51 pm (UTC)
I think you should run a game--that will make you feel better! (Oh, and I want to play!)
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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